I totally believe there’s a lesson in everything and I learn so much about God through my very own children. My youngest son who is 3 cannot comprehend when I make choices that are good for him, but seem very bad to him at the time. I realized through this lesson how much God must feel towards us when He allows us to go through things to learn something in the process, all the while we are kicking and screaming.

My son is in a picky eating phase. We have a rule in our house for both our kids - if you don’t eat your dinner (or enough of your dinner), then you don’t get dessert later that evening.It’s a hard lesson for me as a parent to follow through when my son is sitting there with huge tears running down his face, wondering why his own mommy cannot give him that cookie that everyone else is eating but him.I see his distress…he doesn’t understand (now) that by choosing to not eat his dinner that it exempts him from the big chocolate chip cookie and milk he so desperately wants, and that eating his dinner is the best thing for him instead of constantly eating bad things with no nutrition. So he does what any three year old will do. He cries, screams, sometimes kicks his feet on the floor, and even yells “NO FAIR!”

I, on the other hand, stand by and watch him cry and get so upset and it hurts me. I hate that he can’t have what he wants and what seems good to him but he made the decisions to put himself in that place, even though he can’t really understand it now. I almost give in and have to struggle because of the love I have for him, I want him to have anything he wants as soon as he wants it…I so would rather see a huge smile than tears running down his face. But…what would he learn for the future if I did that now?

God has to see us in this way. We make foolish or not so wise decisions in our lives which land us in all sorts of predicaments (bad marriages, relationships that are unhealthy, debt, addictions) and then when we are in the middle of it, we cry out to God why we can’t have what everyone else seems to have…(fill in the blanks with whatever you desperately want that it just seems God will NOT allow you to have). If God gave in and blessed me with whatever I wanted at the moment, it might make me happy for a moment…but what lesson or pattern would it teach me for the future?

God is far more interested that I grow to be a healthy person, making good choices and knowing when to hesitate before I jump in with both feet into total indulgence in whatever it may be.I’m sure God feels the pangs of compassion when he sees us cry in our despair like I do when my son cries. But any good parent will tell you that they put aside what feels good for them to put what is best for their child first.Maybe we look at God like a 3-year old would…crying out that we need and want, and upset that God doesn’t give to us in the way we think He should…instead of realizing our limitations of understanding at the present moment and trust that God, the perfect Father, gives to His children the best when it’s right for them, and that He has the best intentions for them.

So what have you been throwing a tantrum about lately?

I’ve been reading John Maxwell’s book “The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader.” Every chapter is a different quality. I like to read these types of books one chapter at a time…not like a McDonalds value meal that you wolf down in 3 bites, but more like a fine gourmet delacacy that you savor each bite and sip your drink like a vintage wine that you have to swish around in your mouth to get the full flavor intended. (I know that was deep, but you know who you’re dealing with here.)

Anyway, the first quality I read about I have been stewing about in my mind over and over. Usually books don’t have that effect on me, but for some reason this one is.

Character

How a leader deals with circumstances of life tells you many things about his character. Crisis doesn’t necessarily make character, but it reveals it. Hard times usually make a person choose one or the other - character or compromise. Every time he chooses character, he becomes stronger - even if that choice brings negative consequences.

That kind of goes against our generational train of thought right?

Think of someone that you wonder if they have good character or not. “Your character determines who you are. Who you are determines what you see. What you see determines what you do. That’s why you can never separate a leader’s character from his actions.”

If a leader’s actions and intentions are continually working against each other, look to his character to find out why.

I think that’s why we can forgive certain leaders over others. We might get REALLY frustrated by lack of follow through and general “all overness” of a person, and their intention may not be so…and we can still be frustrated. But our grace comes in when we know the true character of a person….choosing character instead of compromise…taking the high road, to cop out or to dig out of a hard situation as Maxwell says, to BEND the truth or STAND under the weight of it, to take easy money or to pay the price. That’s character.

So think back to that PERSON….yeah they are sucking it up…their intention? They CERTAINLY don’t mean to and say they don’t. But do they have character? Do they run from the truth? Or do they embrace it? A leader with character is certainly who I can follow even if they are not perfect. Followers do not trust leaders whose character they know to be flawed, and they will not continue following them.

Maxwell says highly talented people who suddenly fall apart after they reach a certain level of success - it’s a lack of character, they lack the bedrock character to sustain them through the stress and are headed for disaster. They are then destined for the four A’s - Arrogance, Aloneness, destructive Adventure-Seeking, or Adultery. Such a terrible price to pay for weak character.

So who in your life are you enormously frustrated with? Do they have true character? Or not? Are they worth following?

What about you?

**The following blog post may be disturbing for you to read, but maybe you should read it…because I’m sure the people in Haiti didn’t have a chance to say, “Um, this is a little bit gruesome for us to handle…can you please not talk about it?”**

Let’s pretend Haiti’s earthquake just happened to you. Picture this however it looks in your own mind.

You, your family, and children are sitting in your home…maybe playing a game, watching TV, taking a nap, eating lunch. When all of a sudden a rumbling happens. You look at each other wondering what it was. The rumbling increases, everything starts falling off the counters. Your littlest one screams, “MOMMY! DADDY” Your house literally comes off it’s hinges, the ceiling breaks in two…you glance out the window to see other buildings collapsing….and then everything goes dark.

Let’s say you even make it outside your home. It’s utter chaos. People on your street screaming (those that made it), cars overturned or smashed beyond recognition. You stumble down the road, your neighbor is buried under a pile of rubble. Your other neighbor is screaming because the house just fell on his family.

Fast forward….

It’s been a couple of days. You and your family are sleeping in the street….on the bare ground. It’s cold. All your food is buried in the rubble. You are thirsty. You’re hungry….you’ve never given a thought to needing to eat before. WHERE are you going to get food from? Everyone else around you is in the same predicament you are, unable to get food. Maybe, just maybe you can get down into the local town to see if there is food there. Your kids (if they made it) are crying because they are hungry.

You stumble into town, the chaos is even crazier than on your own street. People are screaming, as you walk along the sidewalks you step over bodies….wait, was that someone I knew? Some children….babies….all piled up on the street. Screams, blood, some people are laying in the street alive, but barely….should you help them? What about your own family? People injured beyond recognition. You want to cover your eyes…you can’t look anymore.

The town is nuts, people shouting…looting. You can’t even get near the grocery store. Are those some people with guns up there? What are they doing?! They are shooting people so they can get to the food….what is going on? How did this happen? You brace yourself with fear because you don’t even know if you will be able to GET food. You look around, where are the police??? The ambulances??? Oh wait, they are buried in the rubble too. Will anyone help me? God where are you?!!!! Is this the end of the world???

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This scene just came to my mind just like a movie. See, I’m sitting in my bed right now. It’s pretty warm and cozy in my house. My kids are snoozing away in their rooms just a few steps away from me. I can’t wrap my mind around going from this to the chaos described in the preceding paragraphs. Can’t even fathom it. I think that’s my problem….I can’t.

I haven’t seen devastation. I haven’t lived in absolute tragedy. I haven’t had to see people die in front of me and I can’t do anything about it. I haven’t lost my child under a building standing there utterly helpless to save them. I haven’t held them in my arms while their life disappeared and no one was there to save them.

I know this blog is utterly disturbing, but maybe it should be. I think sometimes we need to THROW ourselves right smack dab into the middle of what reality is for 1/3 of Haiti’s population, and that is not our 3 bedroom, 2 bath home and nice SUV we drive. That’s not being able to open our refrigerator and say hmmm…I don’t have anything to eat while the shelves are full inside…something just doesn’t suit our fancy with what we see.

I am speaking to myself more I think through this post than anyone. This entire week I have sat and looked at utter devastation online, not just with Haiti but people right in our own country. I read the daily postings of a family whose youngest child is fighting a brain tumor. A mother who has been diagnosed with cervical cancer and wasn’t even supposed to make it to Christmas. How should she explain that to her 5 year old son? I read the blog of a woman who lost her husband in a bike accident and posted EVERY DAY of the entire year after her loss of her utter pain and grief. I read the blog of a mother who’s son passed away in a split second because of his heart and she talks about how she doesn’t want to even live anymore, how hard it is to go into his bedroom where she’s left everything just as it is.

Who am I kidding? What kind of reality do I think I’m living in?

God, wreck my heart so I can understand how good I have it. God, help me to never again stamp my feet in anger because YOU aren’t coming through the way I think you should. God, shame on me and may I ask for complete forgiveness when I have complained that I don’t have an easy life and that life is just “too hard” to live. I am ashamed….heart is broken….really no more words to say.

How do you feel? Have you had your eyes opened this week?

Look at the pictures. Look at them as disturbing they may be. Weep…cry for the loss of life…cry for a world in need of a savior…let your heart feel the raw painful emotion…it’s time.

CLICK HERE
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Do something about it:

The Red Cross
Compassion International
Samaritan’s Purse

There is a line of a song that has been my anthem the last few weeks……I think about it all the time, I pray it, and I’ve sang it when our awesome worship team at church has done it.

We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary…..we won’t be satisfied at all.

Everytime I sing it, the very thought of what I’m saying permeates to my very soul. First, what is ORDINARY? In order to know that I’m not satisfied with it, what is ordinary to me?

To me, ordinary is stagnant. It’s coming to church, setting up, going through practice, saying a quick prayer, singing 3 songs and then 1 at altar, tearing down equipment, and going and getting lunch. That’s my ordinary.

When I looked up the definition….I found ordinary means COMMONLY ENCOUNTERED, USUAL. Ordinary, commonly encountered. Is that how you experience God and church?

I am NOT satisfied….especially with “commonly encountering” God. I WANT MORE!!!

PLEASE, take a minute to watch the video below on YouTube by Deluge, “Open Up The Sky” and read the lyrics below. Let it be YOUR prayer. We don’t want blessings God, we want YOU. We are NOT satisfied with the ordinary.

Our beloved Father, please come down and meet us
We are waiting for Your touch
Open up the heavens, shower down your presence
We respond to Your great love

We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary,
We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings, We want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire
We don’t want anything but You

Our beloved Jesus, we just wanna see You
In the glory of Your light.
Earthly things don’t matter, They just fade and shatter
When we’re touched by love divine.

We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire
We don’t want anything but You

Here we go, let’s go to the throne
The place that we belong, right into His arms

We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary,
We won’t be satisfied at all.

What’s your “ordinary?”

TALK ABOUT IT…..

I sort of love it when God really smacks me between the eyes. You know the times when you are dealing with an issue and He just makes it PLAIN as day, as smacking you upside the head with a 2×4….when He puts it right in front of you.  Yeah…I’m there.

 Let me ask you a question. What do you do when you get extremely hurt by someone you thought you knew? Or worse yet someone you knew that you THOUGHT cared about you? Either they make up lies about you, betray you, or just say something really mean about you behind your back, and somehow it comes back to you and really pierces your heart? Has this happened to you? Think how you felt when you heard it for the first time…….

 And then once you start to dwell on it….and let it play over and over in your mind….the battle begins. Then what about when you see that person the next time? Do you maybe act weird around them?  After all, they hurt you. Things have to be different now don’t they?

I’ve felt this way recently. I know I have to let it go, but then it keeps creeping back over and over again……until I was riding in the car the other day and a simple yet deep thought entered my mind. Jesus on His way to dying for the salvation of humanity was mocked. He was laughed at, spit upon, beaten, whipped, and then as he was dying on the cross had people betting on his robe, and teasing him with a drink of vinegar and stabbing Him in the side. Somehow my situation seems really stupid and petty.

And what did He say?  How did He respond?  He was justified to be angry at them, just like I feel justified being angry at my wrong doers. The difference (monumental I might add) - He was dying FOR them. And His response? “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Jesus experienced the ultimate humiliation, ridicule, teasing, torment, betrayal, and hurt by those He was giving His life for.

In light of this, I had to let it go. All of a sudden it wasn’t hard. It just fell at His feet as Jesus bent down and picked up my pain, my hurt, and my brokenness and gave me something greater - the ability to forgive and let it go.

Maybe you can think differently for a moment?

How do you define yourself?

This question is so loaded, but a simple thought spurned this question in my mind today. After spending a few weeks watching American Idol wind down, and a new reality show begin (So You Think You Can Dance), I watch as a “nobody” becomes a “somebody” in a very short time.

What makes a person famous?

At first you might think, well…they can sing really good.  Or, they can dance really good….or some other fabulous talent they might acquire. But they had this talent already, before the world saw it didn’t they?

What makes a singer like Colbie Caliat famous?  A little thing called Myspace.

So what makes someone famous?  Other people.  Whatever the medium that brought these people to attention, the fact is - they were brought to attention. The attention of thousands, millions. And it is by people that they were deemed “popular,” “famous,” or even…dare I say, “worthy?”

So what defines you?  Are you worthy?  Are you beautiful?  Are you acceptable?  How are these questions answered?  Unfortunately, in today’s world….the questions are answered by others.

We judge our worth, our value, our very essence of who we are, based on the acceptance and approval of others. It starts when we are children. Look at anyone with a troubled family life growing up. They are probably damaged because of how they view themselves based on how their parents loved or didn’t love them. We based our lives around others.

 Are you successful? Well, I guess it depends on who is saying so.

It’s the inevitable. We look to others for where we stand.

Somehow, though….we forget WHO really matters in all this. I was brought to this reality this week by my counselor (yes, I still get help). She said, “Why do you define yourself by others?” Um, do I?  I guess I do.  In fact, I know I do. Stepping back, and evaluating every time I felt like a failure, or no good, or not pretty enough, or not talented enough…it’s because someone made me feel that way (or I took it that way).

So how do we change this?

I’ve found I’ve had to go back to when God created us as humans. Six days of creation, and God spoke everything into existance. Think of a beautiful blue sky on a breezy day. Think of the rolling mountaintops covered by wildflowers. Think of wild mustangs as they run wild on the open plains….such beauty…and God spoke it all into existance.

But He MADE us. He formed us from the dirt. He touched us with His hands and formed our very being - in His image. He breathed His breath of life into us.

And THEN He rested.

We are good. We are His prized creation…..we are above everything else.

What a thought to think how beautiful and precious we are. So once again I have to ask…..

HOW do you define yourself?

In college tonight, I took a very interesting test on finding out your conflict style. It’s pretty accurate, and really is interesting information to know about yourself. Sit down and take this quiz yourself. You’ll need a piece of paper of course. It takes a few minutes to complete, but well worth it. PLEASE be sure to paste what you are in the comments!! I’ll post mine down in the comments first.

Directions: For every question, there needs to be a total of 10 points which must be divided between any of the four responses. For example: on Line 1 you may say 8, and Line 2 you may say 2.  You can use all 10 points on one line if that totally refers to you. For every question, the points must add up to 10. There are 15 questions.

After you answer the questions, refer to the bottom for how to add up your score.

1. When someone I care about is actively hostile towards me, I tend to:
a. Repond in a hostile manner ___ 
b. Try to persuade the person to give up their hostile behavior ____
c. Stay and listen as long as possible ___
d. Walk away ___

2. When someone who is relatively unimportant to me is hostile towards me, I tend to:
a. Respond in a hostile manner ___
b. Try to persuade the person to give up their hostile behavior ___
c. Stay and listen as long as possible ___
d. Walk away ___

3. When I observe people in conflicts, I tend to:
a. Become involved and take a position ___
b. Attempt to mediate ___
c. Observe to see what happens ___
d. Leave as quickly as possible ___

4. When I perceive another person as meeting their needs at my expense, I am apt to:
a. Work to do anything I can to change that person ___
b. Rely on persuasion in attempting to change that person ___
c. Work hard at changing how I relate to that person ___
d. Accept the situation as it is ___

5. When involved in an interpersonal dispute, my general pattern is to:
a. Draw the other person into seeing the problem as I do ___
b. Examine the issues between us as logically as possible ___
c. Look hard for a workable compromise ___
d. Let it take its course and let the problem work itself out ___

6. The quality that I value the most in dealing with conflict would be:
a. emotional strength and security ___
b. Intelligence ___
c. Love and openness ___
d. Patience ___

7. Following a serious altercation with someone I care for deeply, I:
a. Strongly desire to have things settled my way ___
b. Want to go back and work it out ___
c. Worry about it a lot but have further contact ___
d. Let it lie and not plan to initiate further contact ___

8. When I see a serious conflict developing between two people I care about, I:
a. Express my disappointment that this had to happen ___
b. Attempt to persuade them to resolve their differences ___
c. Watch to see what develops ___
d. Leave the scene ___

9. When I see a serious conflict developing between two people who are relatively unimportant to me, I tend to:
a. Express my disappointment that this had to happen ___
b. Attempt to persuade them to resolve their differences ___
c. Watch to see what develops ___
d. Leave the scene ___

10. The feedback that I receive from most people about how I behave when faced with conflict and opposition indicates that I:
a. Try hard to get my way ___
b. Try to work out differences cooperatively ___
c. Am easy going and take a soft position ___
d. Usually avoid the conflict ___

11. When communicating with someone with whom I am having a serious conflict, I:
a. Try to overpower the other person with my speech ___
b. Talk a little more than I listen ___
c. Am an active listener ___
d. Tend to agree and apologize ___

12. When involved in an unpleasant conflict, I:
a. Use humor with the other party ___
b. Make an occasional joke about the situation ___
c. Relate humor only to myself ___
d. Keep all attempts at humor to myself ___

13., 14., and 15. When someone does something that irritates me, my tendency in communicating with the offending person is to:
a. Insist that the other person look me in the eye ___
b. Look at the person directly ___
c. Maintain occasional eye contact ___
d. Avoid looking at the person ___

a. Stand close and make physical contact ___
b. Use my hands and body to make a point ___
c. Stand close to the person without touching them ___
d. Stand back and keep my hands to myself ___

a. Use strong, direct language and tell the person to stop ___
b. Try to persuade the person to stop ___
c. Talk gently and tell the person what my feelings are ___
d. Say and do nothing ___

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When you have completed all fifteen items, add your scores PER LINE. Example: add all points from the first line, all from the second line, etc.

Points per line:
First Line _____
Second Line _____
Third Line ____
Fourth Line ____

**All points should add up to 150. No more and no less.

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First Line: Aggressive/Confrontive: high scores indicate taking the bull by the horns and a strong need to control the situation or the people involved. Those who use this style are often directive and judgemental.

Second Line: Assertive/Persuasive: High scores indicate a tendency to stand up for oneself without being pushy, have a positive approach to conflict and a willingness to work others towards resolution. People who use this style depend heavily on their verbal skills.

Third Line: Observant/Introspective: High scores indicate a tendency to observe others and examine oneself analytically in response to conflict situations as well as a need to adopt a listening mode of behavior. Those who use this style are likely to be cooperative.

Fourth Line: Avoiding/Reactive: High scores indicate a tendency toward passivity or withdrawal in conflict situations and a need to avoid confrontation. Those who use this style are usually accepting, patient, and often suppress their strong feelings.

What do you say when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come to your door?