I totally believe there’s a lesson in everything and I learn so much about God through my very own children. My youngest son who is 3 cannot comprehend when I make choices that are good for him, but seem very bad to him at the time. I realized through this lesson how much God must feel towards us when He allows us to go through things to learn something in the process, all the while we are kicking and screaming.

My son is in a picky eating phase. We have a rule in our house for both our kids - if you don’t eat your dinner (or enough of your dinner), then you don’t get dessert later that evening.It’s a hard lesson for me as a parent to follow through when my son is sitting there with huge tears running down his face, wondering why his own mommy cannot give him that cookie that everyone else is eating but him.I see his distress…he doesn’t understand (now) that by choosing to not eat his dinner that it exempts him from the big chocolate chip cookie and milk he so desperately wants, and that eating his dinner is the best thing for him instead of constantly eating bad things with no nutrition. So he does what any three year old will do. He cries, screams, sometimes kicks his feet on the floor, and even yells “NO FAIR!”

I, on the other hand, stand by and watch him cry and get so upset and it hurts me. I hate that he can’t have what he wants and what seems good to him but he made the decisions to put himself in that place, even though he can’t really understand it now. I almost give in and have to struggle because of the love I have for him, I want him to have anything he wants as soon as he wants it…I so would rather see a huge smile than tears running down his face. But…what would he learn for the future if I did that now?

God has to see us in this way. We make foolish or not so wise decisions in our lives which land us in all sorts of predicaments (bad marriages, relationships that are unhealthy, debt, addictions) and then when we are in the middle of it, we cry out to God why we can’t have what everyone else seems to have…(fill in the blanks with whatever you desperately want that it just seems God will NOT allow you to have). If God gave in and blessed me with whatever I wanted at the moment, it might make me happy for a moment…but what lesson or pattern would it teach me for the future?

God is far more interested that I grow to be a healthy person, making good choices and knowing when to hesitate before I jump in with both feet into total indulgence in whatever it may be.I’m sure God feels the pangs of compassion when he sees us cry in our despair like I do when my son cries. But any good parent will tell you that they put aside what feels good for them to put what is best for their child first.Maybe we look at God like a 3-year old would…crying out that we need and want, and upset that God doesn’t give to us in the way we think He should…instead of realizing our limitations of understanding at the present moment and trust that God, the perfect Father, gives to His children the best when it’s right for them, and that He has the best intentions for them.

So what have you been throwing a tantrum about lately?

I recently posted this on a website that I help mentor at…and thought I’d share this on my blog. I hope it helps someone…especially those who struggle with negative self-talk, low self esteem, and constantly trying to please other people by trying to be someone you are not.

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While I was seeing a counselor, I was going to her for issues with my self-esteem (which was non-existent) and she told me that I had allowed myself and others in my life to speak into my life and it shaped who I was (which was an insecure girl who had no idea who she was and constantly changed herself to try to be who she thought everyone wanted to be). My counselor gave me a list of scriptures that was titled “Our True Identity in Christ.”

She told me that I could not base my belief system on my own emotions, feelings, and beliefs (at the current time)…those were dysfunctional and distorted. Through 11 years of addictive and selfish behavior, they became even more distorted as I lost who I was completely. I could not rely on myself as what was truth…so I had to turn to what was the only absolute truth - the Word of God.

Below are just the references and what the scripture was about. I would suggest making yourself a challenge and make it last 15 days. There are 15 sets of scriptures below. Find the scriptures in your favorite translation of the Bible (I like The Message) and carry this scripture with you all day. Post it on your mirror until the words seep into your mind and then into your heart. Replace the non-truths you believe about yourself and that you are not worthy of God, and replace them with these truths.

I would suggest keeping a journal of what you tell yourself in your head about who you are and your worth. Challenge your thought with the truth of God and make sure the truth is the one that wins.

2 Corinthians 2:10:5 says: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” Take your thoughts about themselves and the negative self-talk tape recorder that plays in your mind and immediately challenge those thoughts against the truth of God’s word below!

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Our True Identity in Christ

#1. Deut 28:1 - If you will listen to the voice of the Lord your God and do all His commandments, He will set you high above the nations
Deut 28:3 - we are blessed in the city and blessed in the field
Deut 28:6 - we are blessed when we come in and when we go out
Deut 28:7 - The Lord will cause your enemies to be afraid of you and flee from you
Deut 28:9 - The Lord will establish you as a holy people
Deut 28:11 - The Lord will cause you to have a surplus of prosperity
Deut 28:12 - The Lord will bless the work of your hands
Deut 28:13 - The Lord shall make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above and not beneath

#2. John 3:16 - You are loved by God and have eternal life with Him
*I suggest the book by Max Lucado “3:16 - the numbers of hope”
I John 1:12-13 - You have the right to be called a child of God

#3. Romans 3:24 - You are justified (declared not guilty of sin)
Romans 8:1 - you now have no condemnation in Christ Jesus
Romans 8:2 - You are set free from the law of sin and death

#4. I Cor 1:2 - You are sanctified (made holy) in Jesus Christ
I Cor 1:30 - You are pure and holy in Christ

#5. I Cor 2:14 - You can understand the truths of God because you have been given the mind of Christ

#6. 1 Cor 15:22 - You will be made alive in Christ

#7. 2 Cor 5:17 - You are a new creation; the old has gone away
2 Cor 5:20 - You are Christ’s ambassador
2 Cor 5:21 - You are put in right standing (made righteous) with God

#8. 2 Cor 6:18 - You are a daughter of the Lord God Almighty

#9. Gal 3:28 - You are one in Christ with all other believers

#10. Eph 1:3 - You are blessed with every spiritual blessing
Eph 1:4 - You are holy and without fault
Eph 1:5-6 - You are adopted as one of God’s children
Eph 1:7 - You are forgiven, and your sins are taken away
Eph 1:10-11 - You will be brought under Christ’s authority
Eph 1:13 - You are marked as belonging to God by the Holy Spirit

#11. Eph 2:6 - You have been raised up to sit with Christ in the Heavenly realms
Eph 2:10 - You are God’s masterpiece
Eph 3:6 - You share in the promise through Christ
Eph 3:12 - You can come with freedom and confidence into God’s presence

#12. Eph 5:29-30 - You are members of Christ’s body, the church

#13. Col 2:10 - You have been given fullness in Christ
Col 2:11 - You are set free from your sinful nature

#14. 2 Tim 1:7 - God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind
2 Tim 2:1 - You will have eternal glory

#15. I Peter 2:9 - You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood and the Lord called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

You know you don’t have to save the world by trying to reach everyone in the world.

You don’t have to dream and plan and strategize how you can maximize your potential on some grandiose scale.

You don’t have to wonder what type of platform will be the best one so your voice can be heard.

You don’t have to worry and fret over feeling stuck and trapped and that you are not doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

You don’t have to chase down every opportunity wondering if “this is the one that gets me somewhere.”

You don’t have to ask questions like “do I have what it takes?” or “am I even making a difference?” or “what am I supposed to do in this world?”

We are too busy looking for great things that are really small things.
We chase the bright lights, when the ones fading need attention.
We look for the book deal, the record signing, who’s who and do they know me and follow me on Twitter.
We spin in circles putting out fires, and at the same time creating new ones.

S T O P.

Jesus says the last shall be first, and the first shall be last. Simplicity and singleness is where it’s at.

When Jesus gave the paragraph of the Sheep and the Goats…they were hanging out together, but at one point they were separated. They appeared to be doing the right thing on the outside, but the goats were doing it because they were told to, and it landed their face on the cover of a magazine, or got them the next speaking gig.

The sheep were doing it anyway, unaware the hugeness of it, but it was woven into their lives so simply.

You feel it. The huge God-awesome-sized potential in the thick of your gut….churning…you wondering WHEN you’ll have the chance. You’ve already had it. Are you the sheep or the goat? Already knowing what the right thing is to do, or waiting for someone to tell you, or someone to notice?

If you have to ask where, then you’re not a sheep. Jesus said the least of these.

Your ‘big break’ is breaking your heart. Or rather let God break it.

-When was the last time you visited a child dying of cancer in the hospital?
-When was the last time you looked the homeless man in the eye instead of looking away because it was so awkward?
-When was the last time you gave someone $100 when you really didn’t have it, but they couldn’t afford groceries?
-When was the last time you stepped up to protect or defend the defenseless (abused or neglected children, the lonely, suicidal)
-When was the last time you handed out hope like the world hands out false promises?
-When was the last time you actually prayed on your face, tears flowing, heart wrenched for someone that you’ve said “I’ll pray for you.”
-When was the last time you grabbed your son and daughter and said “I love you, and I’m so proud of you?”

2009 flew by, 2010 is upon us.

STOP, breathe…..let’s become teachable this next year.

I got up out….I stood on the mountain high
Even felt the warm sun on my face and the wind against my skin
Mountaintop times seem to last forever…almost promising false hope
You think your footing is sure again, you think you’re strong
But one slip of the foot and pride hath caused the fall
You’re being crushed underfoot and ground to a powder
Where you were supposed to trample you are now trampled

Where is the hope? Is the secret exposed?
The truth IS the truth
Whether you want to believe it or not.
But are you seeking or running from truth itself?

I have gone so low swearing to never arrive back again
But here I find myself as low as ever could be
Hope where is your hand? What is the truth?
Can I ever find a drink in this dry land?

Your mercies are new every morning
But why do I think they are not for me?
My worth is nothing, I’m too far used
To have You even desire to look at me.
Why do I throw off the cloak of grace
That you are chasing to throw around me?

I am tired of running. Where do I start?
It’s still not right, I am tired of trying
Show me what I have to do.
Any pain of the journey is better than the sentence of guilt
That hangs so heavy on me like chains that won’t relent

You throw down the burden not to be picked up again
But when You aren’t looking I grab it and run away
Please don’t stop pursuing me, run so hard that I fall in exhaust
If I have to be broken to nothing to be made new again
Anything is better than the sin I am in.

-Jenny Miller

I love the show So You Think You Can Dance, and there was one piece this last season that absolutely moved me to my core. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the choregrapher Mia Michaels….she has a talent to express emotion and feeling in every dance she puts together, but the piece on Addiction was absolutely the best way to express dealing with addiction I could ever think of.

You may not relate to this artist expression if you haven’t had an addiction in your life, but if you have….I hope it moves you the way it moved me.

The part of addiction to remember is knowing there is hope….and this piece is not the end of the story. However, if you are, or have struggled with addiction, you know all too well that this is exactly how it feels when you are in the middle of it.

I’ve been in this black hole for the last two months. Yeah, the last post was July….so yeah - I’ve been in a vacuum of sorts. Through this journey, I have picked up some nuggets along the way worth savoring. I don’t know if this will mean anything to anyone else…but frankly I don’t really care if anyone stumbles across this post (no offense) but I had to get something out of myself and get it written down.

1. Rest
Just because you can go 100 mph doesn’t mean you should. Burn out is real, and if you think it won’t happen to you - then you’re dumb. I’m sorry….but it’s the truth. I know, I’ve been dumb for almost a year now. It will catch you, and then throw you flat on your back while you are gasping for air wondering how you got there. Rest allows you to dream, gather from God, ponder so that great things can come out of you….if you don’t rest…you are running on fumes. And nothing good can come from that.

2. Be real
Russ Cripps, an awesome speaker and author (ahem-cough russcripps.com) said something at our Lifework Leadership Weekend that hit me like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face - “You have to learn to lead in the midst of refinement.” Refinement is not fun. I have probably cried 3-4 days out of a 7 day week for the last 6 months. I cry all the time. I don’t say that to be funny, but it is the only thing I can do sometimes to keep my sanity. This has been without question the most difficult year of my life. Maybe I’ll post some on it here shortly, but I can’t go into it all now. Bottom line, refinement burns…hurts…stretches…pulls. You are empty. You have nothing to give….but we have to learn to connect with someone at this level.

How can you connect with someone in pain if you have not experienced great pain yourself?

3. God is okay with you not having it all together
Sometimes I pass little tidbits I hear along to others, and this past weekend one of those tidbits was repeated back to me reminding me of something very true….”When your hands are empty and you have nothing to give, that’s when God loves you best.” You have nothing in your pocket to pull out and make the magic happen….in other words, no effort of yours is going to result in anything productive, and it’s when God can truly get all glory and He can change who you are.

4. Perspective, perspective, perspective
I’m so sick of my issues, problems, stresses, doubts, fears….I decided to try something drastic. I decided to focus solely on the problems of others. I had a vehicle to help me get there, but I quit focusing on what I don’t have, what I think I should have, and how my life sucks. Believe it or not Jenny, there are others in far greater distress than you…why don’t you do something about it? A ministry was launched as a way for me to do that, and the story in the Bible which inspired me was the story of the Rich Young Ruler….he asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life. Jesus told him to take everything he had, sell it, and give it away to the poor. He didn’t get it though….which I don’t want to be in that boat.

See when you’re desperate, you’ll do anything. So I did it. I gave away a lot. And you know, it’s easier to be okay with having nothing when you choose to give it away than when you don’t have it and you gripe that you don’t have it - like someone owes you. It’s all about perspective.

5. Hope - my theme for the year
I needed hope, which sort of goes hand in hand with perspective. Hope is everything. Without hope, there isn’t anything. Read a post I did in December on the subject of hope….

A dear friend of mine sent me a picture, she said the girl in it reminded her of me. It totally was where I was in my life at the time….take a look for yourself….

That picture told me that hope was closer than it appeared. Apparently the girl is running towards something that looks like a heap of rubble. I envisioned it to mean maybe her dreams, maybe she’d been running forever and thought something would be waiting for her. She’s only focused on what is not….but hope was right behind her. And close than she’d envisioned.

There is more to come….but at least now….it’s started to flow out of me. I feel like a weight is starting to lift….and ironically as the blog is called - it’s time to talk about it.

This morning after my morning run, I sat down and read Isaiah 58 in the Message Bible. What a smack between the eyes!

God was telling the people quite a few things about the way they had been fasting. I could totally take this scripture to mean in any area of our life as well. Here is the gyst in a condensed version. I had really nothing to add to it, the chapter spoke SO LOUDLY all by itself!

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*We’re so busy, busy, busy with worship and studying about God, and we look right on the outside, but at the same time we complain.
*We ask God why He doesn’t notice all the good we ARE doing

God says:

The point of your fasting days is totally off. You appear to do right, but then you fight and bicker. You show off your “humility.” I’m not interested in that kind of fasting.

Why don’t you:

*Break the chains of injustice
*Get rid of exploitation in the workplace
*Free the oppressed
*Cancel debts
*Share your food with the hungry
*Invite homeless into your homes
*Clothe the ones who are cold
*BEING AVAILABLE TO YOUR OWN FAMILIES

Do this, and your lives will turn around, your righteousness will pave the way.

When you pray, God WILL answer.

You ask for help, and I’ll say ‘Here I am.’

*Stop with unfair practices
*Stop blaming victims
*Quit gossiping about OTHER PEOPLE’S SINS

Start giving yourselves down and out, and your life will begin to glow in darkness. I will always show you where to go.

You’ll use the old rubble of your past to build anew. New Foundations will be built from your past.

If you live the Sabbath, and REST (honor it by refusing ‘business as usual’, making money, running here and there), then you can truly enjoy God.

Okay this positioning thing is going through my mind quite a bit. On the tail of the last blog post - positioning yourself somewhere positive….I think that we need to position ourselves small.

If you are anything like me, you want your words to be heard by many. You see others that you aspire to be like….who are in fronts of hundreds, maybe even thousands and people listening to the words that God gives them. You look at them and think, wow….if I could be there.

We try to position ourselves in the right places….to network, meet the right people, say the right things to get where we think we need to go. We are trying to position ourselves big.

Back in my younger days, my insight wasn’t always so clear. I remember getting to go away to a big Bible college where I got the opportunity to play piano for the choir…and go on to play at a few big conferences which had around 10,000 people. I thought I had arrived….I had positioned myself BIG. I came home to my local home church and marched right up to my pastor’s wife and blurted out, “Hey guess what I got to do…” and proceeded to announce all the BIG things I had landed. I sure sounded like a fool.

She said, “Oh wow, well I get to stay here and play” basically meaning that where she was, was just fine with her and that was her place.

I felt SO stupid. Those words echo in my ear to this day. Where we might think is small, could be right where God wants us. It doesn’t matter how MANY are influenced by us or what God does through us, it’s WHO and at WHAT time.

Another example more recent is a dear friend of mine who led an exercising small group (yes you heard right) here at our church. The exercise group turned into way more than ladies exercising together, but times of bonding, crying, spilling their guts, etc. She said sometimes there would be a lot, and sometimes there would be one. But she didn’t focus on the 1-person days as a flop…and she wasn’t getting the numbers she wanted, but that God meant on that particular day, that one person was the RIGHT person to be there at that time.

Start positioning yourself small. This blog might only get read by two people. But if God should let it, it will be the right two people…who then can influence ten, then a hundred, then a thousand.

God calls some to what appears to be greatness in our eyes, and God calls some to what may appear to be smallness in our eyes. The thing is, we are NOT God….so what looks small to us is very God-sized and large in God’s mind.

So position yourself small…and who knows….”Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” Matthew 25:23 KJV

“God loves you….”

How often have we heard that in our lifetime? God is love, God loves you….Jesus loves you….probably more than we can count.

When does His love actually become real to us? I invite you to watch this video, and then continue this thought with me afterwards…

I have found something on this journey of mine. God’s love never became real to me until I realized how much I did not deserve it. It wasn’t until I was at my lowest point of brokeness and emptiness that His love swept over me and I truly understand what the “love of God” really was.

I felt that as I continue on in life, there comes points of emptiness and brokeness over and over and over again in my life. Why do these keep happening? Maybe you ask yourself the same question? Why are these tragedies happening to me? Why am I at rock bottom? Why is my back up against the wall, and the pressure is so thick on me I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Where do I go? What do I do?

Do you feel lost? Like you just have nothing anymore? Have you messed up one too many times? Feel like a failure?

It’s time to experience the love of God like never before. Just like Kim says in the video….God wants to encounter YOU. I love the line where she says “my afflictions eclipsed by glory….” God’s love is SOOOO deep, much deeper than you realize. So instead of getting caught up in your emptiness and loneliness, look up (usually the only place you can look) and totally experience His love.

Every valley you experience, use it as a time to get lost in the love of God. It’s time to believe it…experience it. Stop running from it. Let God capture you….in His love….

This past Sunday at church we all had a little card on our seats at church. On it said the words “Daniel Fast.” I flipped it over and on it was a call to participate for all the members of our community.

After much thought and consideration this week, I’ve decided my Daniel Fast is going to be from technology (as much as I can). I sat down and prayerfully considered a list of what this would mean to me. I’ve decided to fast the following for the next 21 days starting this Sunday, September 28…..

Personal Email
Text Messaging
TV
iPod
Blogging (this site!)
Social Network Sites like Myspace, Twitter, FaceBook, etc.
IMing or chatting

Soda
Desserts or anything sweet
2nd helpings

This is going to be extremely difficult for me. Most of you know how much I am on the computer every day, texting….and the like.

I hope to emerge from this a much different person, especially one more desperate for God. I think that we get addicted to this “noise” and by eliminating it hopefully I can hear the voice of God more clearly.

So friends…..I’ll see you on the other side!

Daniel 10:2-3
“In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.”