So we all have this little person inside of us, you know the one that shouts all kinds of things to you throughout the day, always negative. Some refer to it as conscience, some refer to it as self talk, some say it’s the devil himself…..well I think of “her” as my worst enemy. And I listen to her FAR TOO MUCH and don’t shut her up as much as I should.

Tonight honestly, I really got sick of her “mouth” and rightly told her so. No, I really did…I was standing in the bathroom and I said “JUST SHUT UP!”

In about a 30-second time span, I evaluated what this little witch (for lack of a better term) has been telling me, my own self-talk that I have let go unbridled.

Just this week she’s told me:

You cannot sing….quit trying. You sound horrible.
Yeah, know that 8 lbs you just put on? You look disgusting…you are so fat…your legs are huge
You are a horrible Mom. You have hardly spent any time with your kids this week.
You are not a good wife
You are really messed up inside, a wreck…and you probably can’t be fixed
You’re not a friend worth having, you have nothing to offer
You’re too much, people really don’t like your personality
I wonder what they thought about you just now when you posted that on Facebook….they think you just want attention
You pretend you have it all together, but you don’t. You and I BOTH know better.
There’s really no point in sharing your testimony further…people will look at you differently once they KNOW

and there were more, but I’ll spare you the details.

I was SO SICK of her! I told her to SHUT UP!!! Have you ever truly listened to your self-talk and realize how often you let “her” or “him” get away with? So I sat down to this blog, and I thought let’s evaluate the truth versus the statements “she” was making to me.

*God qualifies who He calls. Moses stuttered, yet he went before Pharoah. Maybe I’m not the world’s best singer, but the words I had to sing I believed with my very soul and just maybe they reached the right heart at the right time.
*No, I was unable to spend as much time as I COULD with my kids this week, but I did make every effort this weekend to put my kids #1
*Yeah I’ve put on weight, but I have a treadmill looking at me in the face and I have the ability to do something about my weight.
*Last time I checked Randy didn’t tell me I was a BAD wife, so who made that determination? After all, isn’t HE the one that counts?
*I think we are all messed up, but God says His mercies are new every morning
*My personality is different, I am different. But God says I am beautifully and wonderfully made. He knew me while I was in my mother’s womb and knows the numbers of hairs on my head. I am HIS Creation, and God doesn’t make junk
*I would rather be open to the world and REAL than to hide and be fake on the outside to become who I think people want me to be. I can’t let people’s keyhole perspective of me and their limited viewpoints define who I am. I’ve already been defined by Christ.
*I’m not pretending to have it all together.. Only “she” said I was. I clearly know I do not, and don’t attest to. Because if I did, then Christ would receive no glory!
*I cannot let people who would never change otherwise stop me from sharing my story. Because those out there who need to hear it is so much greater than the one or two that would use it as a weapon against me. The Bible says “there is therefore no more condemnation to him who is in Christ.”

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So what self-talk has been going on in your head lately? Have you taken some time to really recognize when those thoughts come in your head, or do you let the talk ramble on and on and beat you down?

2 Cor. 10:4-5 says “For the weapons of warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds, Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

….taking every thought captive and making it obedient unto Christ….

It’s changed my week….will you let it change yours?

I think I probably opened up a page to write a new blog about 20 times. But every time it felt like I was unleashing my frustration, my bitterness, my questions…and opening myself up to a lot of criticism.

It seems my blog has been more of a journal of my trials and tests instead of my times of glory and optimism.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t have the answers. I still don’t.

I have been on a journey. A tough one at that….it seems every time I go through one of these difficult times it seems like the hardest and worst time of my life. But this time it’s different. Perhaps I should give you a background.

My husband has been struggling with back pain and herniated and bulging disks since he was about 21 years old. He was injured on the job and has paid the price ever since. Since we were married in 2001, one wrong twist or lifting something he shouldn’t has landed him flat on his back for about a week. He always recovers. Until the end of January.

I don’t know if was a combination of things over the Christmas holiday that did him in or one wrong twist, but this time was different. Randy was OUT of commission. Not only was he flat on his back, but he could not sit up, stand, or even walk…for a SOLID week. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in that much pain and it was difficult….that was the first part of it all. For if he couldn’t walk, he couldn’t work….and has not worked since the end of January (note it’s almost the first of April).

I went back to work full time, but there was NO WAY my paycheck was going to cover our bills. NO WAY. I think I had the most anxiety of my life knowing that everything was out of my control and yet I felt the full weight of providing for my family on my shoulders. Some honest and raw emotional and mental things I went through:

1. I was angry.
2. I was depressed.
3. I was anxious.
4. I felt worthless
5. I was angry again
6. I was ready to punch everyone in the face that said “I am praying for you,” and “it will be okay.” (I’m honest okay?)
7. I had no hope.
8. The pressure was HUGE

I was staring several things in the face (not in any order of importance):

1. Having to lose our home (even though we are renting, having to move out and move in with someone)
2. Embarrassment
3. Having to lose our car
4. Ruining our credit
5. Losing control (believe it or not EXTREMELY hard for me)
6. Not being able to buy food to feed my family
7. Randy being PERMANENTLY injured and never being able to work again, possibly having to have surgery…

All the facts lining up said IMPOSSIBLE, YOU’RE DONE, GIVE UP. Nearly every disk in Randy’s spine is ruined and non-reversible damage has occurred.

Until one day through my roller coaster of emotions, I actually came to a realization.

1. Let them take it all. It doesn’t matter anyway…we can start over
2. Moving in with someone wouldn’t be that bad…at least we have that option
3. My children are healthy…my husband will live. I am not having to make funeral arrangements this week.
4. I can work, I have the ability to bring in some income.
5. All the things in our home we own and no one will be coming to take those.
6. credit - so what? We weren’t planning on using it anyway.
7. I have wonderful family and friends who are here to help us in any way we can.

And I gave up…but I didn’t give up to defeat….I gave up to grace and peace (from God). Was it easy? NO. Did it happen overnight? NO. But I began replacing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions with the truth of God’s word.

“I have never seen the righteous forsaken,” “I will not leave you comfortless,” “I will never leave you, nor forsake you,” “the steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord,” and keep digesting the TRUTH of God, not my half-truths that I had formed in my mind.

So I gave up (in a good way).

LONG story short….3 months later….

1. Randy is back to work
2. We are only ONE week behind on our bills (ONLY ONE WEEK)
3. Random people gave us money, some enough to pay our rent, some enough to buy groceries.
4. Some people brought us hot meals
5. Some people brought us groceries
6. Our credit never got ruined
7. Nothing was repossessed
8. Our landlord gave us a week extension on our rent and dropped our rent for the next month
9. My faith is enlarged
10. I gave up control I never had anyway
11. I learned who I really was inside
12. I learned I had severe trust issues with God and once again He has proven He can be trusted
13. I taught my children how to do without
14. I learned how to roll change (and come up with like $200)…
15. I learned how to make things stretch and be frugal
16. I learned how much I really have compared to those who have none
17. I learned there are others who have it much worse
18. I learned it could ALWAYS be worse
19. I learned even when I felt like I had nothing, I still had something to give
20. I learned if I focus on other people’s problems, it helped me get through my own.

What are you going through? Is it a curse…or could it be a blessing?

Could it be possible that even through your terrible situation you could have peace? And you could find something good from something so broken? Could it even be possible that you could say, “I embrace this pain….”

There is a quote that I love. “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”. - CS Lewis

He got my attention, and I’m listening with both ears….and I’m ready for next time something comes my way.

**The following blog post may be disturbing for you to read, but maybe you should read it…because I’m sure the people in Haiti didn’t have a chance to say, “Um, this is a little bit gruesome for us to handle…can you please not talk about it?”**

Let’s pretend Haiti’s earthquake just happened to you. Picture this however it looks in your own mind.

You, your family, and children are sitting in your home…maybe playing a game, watching TV, taking a nap, eating lunch. When all of a sudden a rumbling happens. You look at each other wondering what it was. The rumbling increases, everything starts falling off the counters. Your littlest one screams, “MOMMY! DADDY” Your house literally comes off it’s hinges, the ceiling breaks in two…you glance out the window to see other buildings collapsing….and then everything goes dark.

Let’s say you even make it outside your home. It’s utter chaos. People on your street screaming (those that made it), cars overturned or smashed beyond recognition. You stumble down the road, your neighbor is buried under a pile of rubble. Your other neighbor is screaming because the house just fell on his family.

Fast forward….

It’s been a couple of days. You and your family are sleeping in the street….on the bare ground. It’s cold. All your food is buried in the rubble. You are thirsty. You’re hungry….you’ve never given a thought to needing to eat before. WHERE are you going to get food from? Everyone else around you is in the same predicament you are, unable to get food. Maybe, just maybe you can get down into the local town to see if there is food there. Your kids (if they made it) are crying because they are hungry.

You stumble into town, the chaos is even crazier than on your own street. People are screaming, as you walk along the sidewalks you step over bodies….wait, was that someone I knew? Some children….babies….all piled up on the street. Screams, blood, some people are laying in the street alive, but barely….should you help them? What about your own family? People injured beyond recognition. You want to cover your eyes…you can’t look anymore.

The town is nuts, people shouting…looting. You can’t even get near the grocery store. Are those some people with guns up there? What are they doing?! They are shooting people so they can get to the food….what is going on? How did this happen? You brace yourself with fear because you don’t even know if you will be able to GET food. You look around, where are the police??? The ambulances??? Oh wait, they are buried in the rubble too. Will anyone help me? God where are you?!!!! Is this the end of the world???

—-

This scene just came to my mind just like a movie. See, I’m sitting in my bed right now. It’s pretty warm and cozy in my house. My kids are snoozing away in their rooms just a few steps away from me. I can’t wrap my mind around going from this to the chaos described in the preceding paragraphs. Can’t even fathom it. I think that’s my problem….I can’t.

I haven’t seen devastation. I haven’t lived in absolute tragedy. I haven’t had to see people die in front of me and I can’t do anything about it. I haven’t lost my child under a building standing there utterly helpless to save them. I haven’t held them in my arms while their life disappeared and no one was there to save them.

I know this blog is utterly disturbing, but maybe it should be. I think sometimes we need to THROW ourselves right smack dab into the middle of what reality is for 1/3 of Haiti’s population, and that is not our 3 bedroom, 2 bath home and nice SUV we drive. That’s not being able to open our refrigerator and say hmmm…I don’t have anything to eat while the shelves are full inside…something just doesn’t suit our fancy with what we see.

I am speaking to myself more I think through this post than anyone. This entire week I have sat and looked at utter devastation online, not just with Haiti but people right in our own country. I read the daily postings of a family whose youngest child is fighting a brain tumor. A mother who has been diagnosed with cervical cancer and wasn’t even supposed to make it to Christmas. How should she explain that to her 5 year old son? I read the blog of a woman who lost her husband in a bike accident and posted EVERY DAY of the entire year after her loss of her utter pain and grief. I read the blog of a mother who’s son passed away in a split second because of his heart and she talks about how she doesn’t want to even live anymore, how hard it is to go into his bedroom where she’s left everything just as it is.

Who am I kidding? What kind of reality do I think I’m living in?

God, wreck my heart so I can understand how good I have it. God, help me to never again stamp my feet in anger because YOU aren’t coming through the way I think you should. God, shame on me and may I ask for complete forgiveness when I have complained that I don’t have an easy life and that life is just “too hard” to live. I am ashamed….heart is broken….really no more words to say.

How do you feel? Have you had your eyes opened this week?

Look at the pictures. Look at them as disturbing they may be. Weep…cry for the loss of life…cry for a world in need of a savior…let your heart feel the raw painful emotion…it’s time.

CLICK HERE
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Do something about it:

The Red Cross
Compassion International
Samaritan’s Purse

You know you don’t have to save the world by trying to reach everyone in the world.

You don’t have to dream and plan and strategize how you can maximize your potential on some grandiose scale.

You don’t have to wonder what type of platform will be the best one so your voice can be heard.

You don’t have to worry and fret over feeling stuck and trapped and that you are not doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

You don’t have to chase down every opportunity wondering if “this is the one that gets me somewhere.”

You don’t have to ask questions like “do I have what it takes?” or “am I even making a difference?” or “what am I supposed to do in this world?”

We are too busy looking for great things that are really small things.
We chase the bright lights, when the ones fading need attention.
We look for the book deal, the record signing, who’s who and do they know me and follow me on Twitter.
We spin in circles putting out fires, and at the same time creating new ones.

S T O P.

Jesus says the last shall be first, and the first shall be last. Simplicity and singleness is where it’s at.

When Jesus gave the paragraph of the Sheep and the Goats…they were hanging out together, but at one point they were separated. They appeared to be doing the right thing on the outside, but the goats were doing it because they were told to, and it landed their face on the cover of a magazine, or got them the next speaking gig.

The sheep were doing it anyway, unaware the hugeness of it, but it was woven into their lives so simply.

You feel it. The huge God-awesome-sized potential in the thick of your gut….churning…you wondering WHEN you’ll have the chance. You’ve already had it. Are you the sheep or the goat? Already knowing what the right thing is to do, or waiting for someone to tell you, or someone to notice?

If you have to ask where, then you’re not a sheep. Jesus said the least of these.

Your ‘big break’ is breaking your heart. Or rather let God break it.

-When was the last time you visited a child dying of cancer in the hospital?
-When was the last time you looked the homeless man in the eye instead of looking away because it was so awkward?
-When was the last time you gave someone $100 when you really didn’t have it, but they couldn’t afford groceries?
-When was the last time you stepped up to protect or defend the defenseless (abused or neglected children, the lonely, suicidal)
-When was the last time you handed out hope like the world hands out false promises?
-When was the last time you actually prayed on your face, tears flowing, heart wrenched for someone that you’ve said “I’ll pray for you.”
-When was the last time you grabbed your son and daughter and said “I love you, and I’m so proud of you?”

2009 flew by, 2010 is upon us.

STOP, breathe…..let’s become teachable this next year.

I got up out….I stood on the mountain high
Even felt the warm sun on my face and the wind against my skin
Mountaintop times seem to last forever…almost promising false hope
You think your footing is sure again, you think you’re strong
But one slip of the foot and pride hath caused the fall
You’re being crushed underfoot and ground to a powder
Where you were supposed to trample you are now trampled

Where is the hope? Is the secret exposed?
The truth IS the truth
Whether you want to believe it or not.
But are you seeking or running from truth itself?

I have gone so low swearing to never arrive back again
But here I find myself as low as ever could be
Hope where is your hand? What is the truth?
Can I ever find a drink in this dry land?

Your mercies are new every morning
But why do I think they are not for me?
My worth is nothing, I’m too far used
To have You even desire to look at me.
Why do I throw off the cloak of grace
That you are chasing to throw around me?

I am tired of running. Where do I start?
It’s still not right, I am tired of trying
Show me what I have to do.
Any pain of the journey is better than the sentence of guilt
That hangs so heavy on me like chains that won’t relent

You throw down the burden not to be picked up again
But when You aren’t looking I grab it and run away
Please don’t stop pursuing me, run so hard that I fall in exhaust
If I have to be broken to nothing to be made new again
Anything is better than the sin I am in.

-Jenny Miller

1. I am seriously burn out. In every area of my life. How I got here I have no idea. It just seems like my intentions are good, but time escapes me and someone is left telling me I didn’t come through. Most of the time that someone is myself.

2. I do not have the answers, in fact less and less the deeper I get myself.

3. I count the things I am sure of. a) what God has called me to b) where I’m supposed to be c) who I’m supposed to reach

4. I don’t know how to get from point a to point b.

5. I focus on other people’s problems instead of my own, even though mine seem daunting. My problems seem to escalate reminding me of someone jumping up and down in front of me waving their arms to try to distract me. How can I not focus on the negative?

6. I see the negative aspects of myself clearer than ever. It doesn’t feel good. I guess I’m glad I am seeing this raw side of myself and realize I’m not as all together as I once thought.

7. I feel like when I need people the most, no one is ever there. I know this is not true, but the feeling remains the same.

8. In my great effort to make a huge difference, I feel like I am in a black hole.

9. I feel like a great number of people misunderstand me.

10. I am hugely insecure, and the older I get the more annoying that becomes to me. The self-talk that happens inside my brain will never shut up. Sometimes I want to slap that insecure girl and tell her to grow up. Why won’t she go away?

11. In spite of my shortcomings, I know I am blessed.

12. I try to see the good in any area I can and fight through the fog that overwhelms me.

13. I mainly write these things down now so that on the other side of it I can see where God was there all along. This is simply my white pebbles like in the story of Hansel and Gretel.

14. I will overcome. By the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony.

Are you on a journey??

I’ve been in this black hole for the last two months. Yeah, the last post was July….so yeah - I’ve been in a vacuum of sorts. Through this journey, I have picked up some nuggets along the way worth savoring. I don’t know if this will mean anything to anyone else…but frankly I don’t really care if anyone stumbles across this post (no offense) but I had to get something out of myself and get it written down.

1. Rest
Just because you can go 100 mph doesn’t mean you should. Burn out is real, and if you think it won’t happen to you - then you’re dumb. I’m sorry….but it’s the truth. I know, I’ve been dumb for almost a year now. It will catch you, and then throw you flat on your back while you are gasping for air wondering how you got there. Rest allows you to dream, gather from God, ponder so that great things can come out of you….if you don’t rest…you are running on fumes. And nothing good can come from that.

2. Be real
Russ Cripps, an awesome speaker and author (ahem-cough russcripps.com) said something at our Lifework Leadership Weekend that hit me like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face - “You have to learn to lead in the midst of refinement.” Refinement is not fun. I have probably cried 3-4 days out of a 7 day week for the last 6 months. I cry all the time. I don’t say that to be funny, but it is the only thing I can do sometimes to keep my sanity. This has been without question the most difficult year of my life. Maybe I’ll post some on it here shortly, but I can’t go into it all now. Bottom line, refinement burns…hurts…stretches…pulls. You are empty. You have nothing to give….but we have to learn to connect with someone at this level.

How can you connect with someone in pain if you have not experienced great pain yourself?

3. God is okay with you not having it all together
Sometimes I pass little tidbits I hear along to others, and this past weekend one of those tidbits was repeated back to me reminding me of something very true….”When your hands are empty and you have nothing to give, that’s when God loves you best.” You have nothing in your pocket to pull out and make the magic happen….in other words, no effort of yours is going to result in anything productive, and it’s when God can truly get all glory and He can change who you are.

4. Perspective, perspective, perspective
I’m so sick of my issues, problems, stresses, doubts, fears….I decided to try something drastic. I decided to focus solely on the problems of others. I had a vehicle to help me get there, but I quit focusing on what I don’t have, what I think I should have, and how my life sucks. Believe it or not Jenny, there are others in far greater distress than you…why don’t you do something about it? A ministry was launched as a way for me to do that, and the story in the Bible which inspired me was the story of the Rich Young Ruler….he asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life. Jesus told him to take everything he had, sell it, and give it away to the poor. He didn’t get it though….which I don’t want to be in that boat.

See when you’re desperate, you’ll do anything. So I did it. I gave away a lot. And you know, it’s easier to be okay with having nothing when you choose to give it away than when you don’t have it and you gripe that you don’t have it - like someone owes you. It’s all about perspective.

5. Hope - my theme for the year
I needed hope, which sort of goes hand in hand with perspective. Hope is everything. Without hope, there isn’t anything. Read a post I did in December on the subject of hope….

A dear friend of mine sent me a picture, she said the girl in it reminded her of me. It totally was where I was in my life at the time….take a look for yourself….

That picture told me that hope was closer than it appeared. Apparently the girl is running towards something that looks like a heap of rubble. I envisioned it to mean maybe her dreams, maybe she’d been running forever and thought something would be waiting for her. She’s only focused on what is not….but hope was right behind her. And close than she’d envisioned.

There is more to come….but at least now….it’s started to flow out of me. I feel like a weight is starting to lift….and ironically as the blog is called - it’s time to talk about it.

Okay this positioning thing is going through my mind quite a bit. On the tail of the last blog post - positioning yourself somewhere positive….I think that we need to position ourselves small.

If you are anything like me, you want your words to be heard by many. You see others that you aspire to be like….who are in fronts of hundreds, maybe even thousands and people listening to the words that God gives them. You look at them and think, wow….if I could be there.

We try to position ourselves in the right places….to network, meet the right people, say the right things to get where we think we need to go. We are trying to position ourselves big.

Back in my younger days, my insight wasn’t always so clear. I remember getting to go away to a big Bible college where I got the opportunity to play piano for the choir…and go on to play at a few big conferences which had around 10,000 people. I thought I had arrived….I had positioned myself BIG. I came home to my local home church and marched right up to my pastor’s wife and blurted out, “Hey guess what I got to do…” and proceeded to announce all the BIG things I had landed. I sure sounded like a fool.

She said, “Oh wow, well I get to stay here and play” basically meaning that where she was, was just fine with her and that was her place.

I felt SO stupid. Those words echo in my ear to this day. Where we might think is small, could be right where God wants us. It doesn’t matter how MANY are influenced by us or what God does through us, it’s WHO and at WHAT time.

Another example more recent is a dear friend of mine who led an exercising small group (yes you heard right) here at our church. The exercise group turned into way more than ladies exercising together, but times of bonding, crying, spilling their guts, etc. She said sometimes there would be a lot, and sometimes there would be one. But she didn’t focus on the 1-person days as a flop…and she wasn’t getting the numbers she wanted, but that God meant on that particular day, that one person was the RIGHT person to be there at that time.

Start positioning yourself small. This blog might only get read by two people. But if God should let it, it will be the right two people…who then can influence ten, then a hundred, then a thousand.

God calls some to what appears to be greatness in our eyes, and God calls some to what may appear to be smallness in our eyes. The thing is, we are NOT God….so what looks small to us is very God-sized and large in God’s mind.

So position yourself small…and who knows….”Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” Matthew 25:23 KJV

Many times, I have these strong ideas for blog posts, but then get busy and forget. This one just won’t go away, however.

I think sometimes in life, we come across things that seem like a roadblock in our way. Something we have a passion for, a desire for, something we would give our right arm to do. But either something or someone stops us. This is so disheartening…and this is where most of us completely fail. We give up, and we get BITTER. Or, some of us run away and try to do our great passion in another place - some of us succeed, and some of us fail.

No matter which you are, there is a great lesson to be learned in the place of the roadblock….and that is what we do with it. I am close to many people, and if I spoke of the exact situation in my life, I am afraid too many would know what it is, so I have to mask what I say in a way. But know, I know this just as well as anyone else. The feeling of frustration, anger, “WHY,” when you hit this wall and feel like you cannot do what you were born to do.

God knows what He is doing. My greatest lesson was not in the fact I was able to live out this passion or not, but how I responded when I wasn’t able to do what it is that I wanted to do at the very moment I wanted to do it.

Just recently, things have come full circle. The place in my life where I lacked opportunity, received rejection, and became wounded is the exact place that has now come to me for direction. Say what?! Talk about humbling. I chuckle here as I write. Had I responded in a wrong way at the time, would have totally shut the door of opportunity that is now being created to bridge a very large gap which is full of things I’d rather forget.

God is using this particular place to not only heal my own regrets, but to essentially do more in that previous place then I could have ever done myself. It can only be God!

So the point of this post is that you can never see the forest for the trees. You will NEVER completely understand the hold up in your life at the present moment. There IS a reason….there IS a lesson to be learned. Stop looking at what you cannot do, or what you cannot reach, and ask the reverberating question, “WHY?!” Look at you, look at your character, your motive, your RESPONSE. That is the key.

And it probably will come full circle to you too.

I sort of love it when God really smacks me between the eyes. You know the times when you are dealing with an issue and He just makes it PLAIN as day, as smacking you upside the head with a 2×4….when He puts it right in front of you.  Yeah…I’m there.

 Let me ask you a question. What do you do when you get extremely hurt by someone you thought you knew? Or worse yet someone you knew that you THOUGHT cared about you? Either they make up lies about you, betray you, or just say something really mean about you behind your back, and somehow it comes back to you and really pierces your heart? Has this happened to you? Think how you felt when you heard it for the first time…….

 And then once you start to dwell on it….and let it play over and over in your mind….the battle begins. Then what about when you see that person the next time? Do you maybe act weird around them?  After all, they hurt you. Things have to be different now don’t they?

I’ve felt this way recently. I know I have to let it go, but then it keeps creeping back over and over again……until I was riding in the car the other day and a simple yet deep thought entered my mind. Jesus on His way to dying for the salvation of humanity was mocked. He was laughed at, spit upon, beaten, whipped, and then as he was dying on the cross had people betting on his robe, and teasing him with a drink of vinegar and stabbing Him in the side. Somehow my situation seems really stupid and petty.

And what did He say?  How did He respond?  He was justified to be angry at them, just like I feel justified being angry at my wrong doers. The difference (monumental I might add) - He was dying FOR them. And His response? “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Jesus experienced the ultimate humiliation, ridicule, teasing, torment, betrayal, and hurt by those He was giving His life for.

In light of this, I had to let it go. All of a sudden it wasn’t hard. It just fell at His feet as Jesus bent down and picked up my pain, my hurt, and my brokenness and gave me something greater - the ability to forgive and let it go.

Maybe you can think differently for a moment?