I sort of love it when God really smacks me between the eyes. You know the times when you are dealing with an issue and He just makes it PLAIN as day, as smacking you upside the head with a 2×4….when He puts it right in front of you.  Yeah…I’m there.

 Let me ask you a question. What do you do when you get extremely hurt by someone you thought you knew? Or worse yet someone you knew that you THOUGHT cared about you? Either they make up lies about you, betray you, or just say something really mean about you behind your back, and somehow it comes back to you and really pierces your heart? Has this happened to you? Think how you felt when you heard it for the first time…….

 And then once you start to dwell on it….and let it play over and over in your mind….the battle begins. Then what about when you see that person the next time? Do you maybe act weird around them?  After all, they hurt you. Things have to be different now don’t they?

I’ve felt this way recently. I know I have to let it go, but then it keeps creeping back over and over again……until I was riding in the car the other day and a simple yet deep thought entered my mind. Jesus on His way to dying for the salvation of humanity was mocked. He was laughed at, spit upon, beaten, whipped, and then as he was dying on the cross had people betting on his robe, and teasing him with a drink of vinegar and stabbing Him in the side. Somehow my situation seems really stupid and petty.

And what did He say?  How did He respond?  He was justified to be angry at them, just like I feel justified being angry at my wrong doers. The difference (monumental I might add) - He was dying FOR them. And His response? “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Jesus experienced the ultimate humiliation, ridicule, teasing, torment, betrayal, and hurt by those He was giving His life for.

In light of this, I had to let it go. All of a sudden it wasn’t hard. It just fell at His feet as Jesus bent down and picked up my pain, my hurt, and my brokenness and gave me something greater - the ability to forgive and let it go.

Maybe you can think differently for a moment?

I’ve been MIA since May 27. No one asked where I was either. But that’s okay….I was brought to this realization by receiving thousands of spam comments and having to come on and clean up a bit. May 27 - it’s been almost two months. So where was I?  Do you really want to know?

I think I entered into a huge freakish scary time of my life. I have had more happen in the last 2 months than probably most people have happen in a calendar year…..maybe even longer than that.  Where do I begin?

Should I start with the fact we have not sold our house for 2 1/2 years and we were finally burned out on the 1 1/2 hour commute back and forth to church several times a week? Or perhaps the fact that my husband developed shingles which turned into Bell’s Palsy which paralyzed half his face for several months and rendered him unable to work 100% and we fell behind on all our bills. Or maybe the fact I went to the ER with severe abdominal pain to be diagnosed with IBS which causes me about 2-3 severe attacks a week with severe abdominal pain that keeps me in bed the entire day - unable to function or take care of my family. Or learning that a dear family friend has passed away suddenly due to cancer, and having to see the family in the midst of horrible grief as they try to understand why. Or how about this week when my Dad FINALLY gets his MRI from severe headaches he’s been having since May to be rushed by ambulance for emergency brain surgery because they found a subdural hematoma (bleeding on the brain) and he in every right should be dead right about now!

Before you think this is a huge pity party, hang with me here. I know the paragraph above sounds either too awful to be true, or sounds like a script for the next soap opera episode. Well I have been a zoned out zombie just waiting for the next hit….kinda like looking up waiting for the sky to fall…..I honestly do not know how I am in a right sane mind today.

I tell all that above to tell you that God is soverign. He is just, He is true, and He is able.

Looking back to these events, with a somewhat clearer perspective and insight, Randy is healthy and is almost back to normal. We never fell more than 30 days past due on any of our bills, and our credit was preserved. The IBS has subsided somewhat, and I am 8 lbs thinner now! Even though we lost a dear sweet lady, she is dancing in Heaven with Jesus because she was so in love with him she brought together people whose relationships were destroyed together in one place where they put their differences aside to honor her life and in doing so found some peace with each other. My Dad, 4 days after surgery is at home with all his neurological functions, no seizures, no addtional bleeding, and is ALIVE when everything says he should not be. We got a contract on our house, inspections have passed and we have found a new house already and been approved with a move date exactly a few days before RJ starts school.

Even though this soldier is wounded and weary, my faith is soaring sky high. GOD IS SOVEREIGN.  God is JUST, and God is faithful.  I could have given up in the middle of any of these situations, and probably been justified in my feelings…..but God MADE me trust Him. Trust Him or die. It had to be HIS way, not mine. I am such a control freak, and freak out at the loss of control, but God will prove He is sovereign over everything….even my piddly life’s issues (piddly to Him, huge to me).

I hope by this post, you can have faith today. You may be in the darkest day of your life, with NO light, NO escape, NO hope.  There IS hope for you though. You must trust Him, He will make you trust Him. As the old song says, “I drop my sword and cry for just a while, because deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.” It’s okay to be weak, to not have the answer, to not know what to do. Because it is only then that God can reign sovereign in your life. TRUST Him. TRUST Him with your breath, your health, your life….I promise His hands are capable of holding it.  Let me be testimony to that.

Trust Him……