I love the show So You Think You Can Dance, and there was one piece this last season that absolutely moved me to my core. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the choregrapher Mia Michaels….she has a talent to express emotion and feeling in every dance she puts together, but the piece on Addiction was absolutely the best way to express dealing with addiction I could ever think of.

You may not relate to this artist expression if you haven’t had an addiction in your life, but if you have….I hope it moves you the way it moved me.

The part of addiction to remember is knowing there is hope….and this piece is not the end of the story. However, if you are, or have struggled with addiction, you know all too well that this is exactly how it feels when you are in the middle of it.

I’ve been in this black hole for the last two months. Yeah, the last post was July….so yeah - I’ve been in a vacuum of sorts. Through this journey, I have picked up some nuggets along the way worth savoring. I don’t know if this will mean anything to anyone else…but frankly I don’t really care if anyone stumbles across this post (no offense) but I had to get something out of myself and get it written down.

1. Rest
Just because you can go 100 mph doesn’t mean you should. Burn out is real, and if you think it won’t happen to you - then you’re dumb. I’m sorry….but it’s the truth. I know, I’ve been dumb for almost a year now. It will catch you, and then throw you flat on your back while you are gasping for air wondering how you got there. Rest allows you to dream, gather from God, ponder so that great things can come out of you….if you don’t rest…you are running on fumes. And nothing good can come from that.

2. Be real
Russ Cripps, an awesome speaker and author (ahem-cough russcripps.com) said something at our Lifework Leadership Weekend that hit me like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face - “You have to learn to lead in the midst of refinement.” Refinement is not fun. I have probably cried 3-4 days out of a 7 day week for the last 6 months. I cry all the time. I don’t say that to be funny, but it is the only thing I can do sometimes to keep my sanity. This has been without question the most difficult year of my life. Maybe I’ll post some on it here shortly, but I can’t go into it all now. Bottom line, refinement burns…hurts…stretches…pulls. You are empty. You have nothing to give….but we have to learn to connect with someone at this level.

How can you connect with someone in pain if you have not experienced great pain yourself?

3. God is okay with you not having it all together
Sometimes I pass little tidbits I hear along to others, and this past weekend one of those tidbits was repeated back to me reminding me of something very true….”When your hands are empty and you have nothing to give, that’s when God loves you best.” You have nothing in your pocket to pull out and make the magic happen….in other words, no effort of yours is going to result in anything productive, and it’s when God can truly get all glory and He can change who you are.

4. Perspective, perspective, perspective
I’m so sick of my issues, problems, stresses, doubts, fears….I decided to try something drastic. I decided to focus solely on the problems of others. I had a vehicle to help me get there, but I quit focusing on what I don’t have, what I think I should have, and how my life sucks. Believe it or not Jenny, there are others in far greater distress than you…why don’t you do something about it? A ministry was launched as a way for me to do that, and the story in the Bible which inspired me was the story of the Rich Young Ruler….he asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life. Jesus told him to take everything he had, sell it, and give it away to the poor. He didn’t get it though….which I don’t want to be in that boat.

See when you’re desperate, you’ll do anything. So I did it. I gave away a lot. And you know, it’s easier to be okay with having nothing when you choose to give it away than when you don’t have it and you gripe that you don’t have it - like someone owes you. It’s all about perspective.

5. Hope - my theme for the year
I needed hope, which sort of goes hand in hand with perspective. Hope is everything. Without hope, there isn’t anything. Read a post I did in December on the subject of hope….

A dear friend of mine sent me a picture, she said the girl in it reminded her of me. It totally was where I was in my life at the time….take a look for yourself….

That picture told me that hope was closer than it appeared. Apparently the girl is running towards something that looks like a heap of rubble. I envisioned it to mean maybe her dreams, maybe she’d been running forever and thought something would be waiting for her. She’s only focused on what is not….but hope was right behind her. And close than she’d envisioned.

There is more to come….but at least now….it’s started to flow out of me. I feel like a weight is starting to lift….and ironically as the blog is called - it’s time to talk about it.